I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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