did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
