my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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