I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
