I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
