the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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