So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
