u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do vagina's smell?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
