it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
