I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
