The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
