Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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