I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
