so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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