i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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