So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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