apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
