So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
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What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
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When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I would ride that face into the sunset
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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