Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
