just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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