She said her name was "party"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
