I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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