My friends, they love my intelligence
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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