YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
