i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
