Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize