id be glad to
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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