Where are you?
In a non slutty way
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
