I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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