..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
