woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
