Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at about main and main street
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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