If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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