i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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