So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
