Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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