Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
