I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
