Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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