Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
