so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
