A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
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