thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
