dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Vodka?
Forever.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
