Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
