you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
