we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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