About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
