somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
