dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
