The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
