Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
