i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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