Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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