You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
