I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize