Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
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Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
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THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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