Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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