i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
