sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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